She didn’t think that any of her problems were her own fault. This meant that she didn’t have to take any of the blame. She was constantly defensive when people gave advice. She never really listened when others tried to help her.
She blamed her past, her lack of money, her lack of support from family and friends, and much more.
She often felt like she was stuck in a pit that she couldn’t crawl out of. There she was, crouched down, watching the world go on without her. This saddened her. She cried almost every day.
But then one day it sunk in – “This is MY life which is of my own creation. I am the only one to blame. And I am the only one who can change it.”
That was an ending – and a beginning.
The Hero Versus the Victim
During our lifetime we have many stories that makeup one overarching story. Some of the stories are true, and then there are the ones that we make up. Which are true and which are made up is all about our perception of ourselves, others, and our interpretation of events in our lives.
All good stories have four characters: The Villain, the Victim, the Hero, and the Guide. During our lifetime we can play all four roles at different times, with one being dominant at one specific time.
The main character of a story is the Hero, who is an ambitious person on a quest to conquer all obstacles in order to rescue the Victim. At the beginning of the story, the Hero is weak. He struggles, for he doesn’t yet know his own strength. But he will, however, over time, realize how strong he is through a series of tests that will lead him on a journey to self-discovery as he faces difficult challenges along the way. The Hero never gives up because the stakes are high, not only for himself but for others.
The Villain is the vile character who is trying to stop the Hero. The Villain is an enemy who will do everything in his power to stop the Hero, even to the point of destroying him.
The Guide is the older, wiser individual who is there to help the Hero succeed in rescuing the Victim. He is a leader, teacher, and mentor to the Hero. He helps the Hero to learn difficult lessons that will help him to grow into his highest potential.
And finally, there is the Victim. The “damsel in distress.” This person is so weak that she can’t save herself. She feels that everyone is conspiring against her and that even God has it out for her. She has no strength to overcome her difficulties because she doesn’t believe that she has any control over her life and circumstances. She doesn’t believe she can succeed, so she acts helpless.
In a good story, the Victim is not very important at all. She is only there so that the Hero can have someone to save. The primary character is always the Hero.
You don’t want to be the Victim. Why not? Because they are only a tiny part of a larger story. Victims never experience a transformation. Only Heroes transform. Victims also never get any honor or rewards. That, too, is reserved for the Hero.
People feel sorry for the Victim. And, over time, people start to resent them for taking up so much time and energy that could be used for higher purposes.
What you want to be is the Hero who learns how to navigate danger and conquer fears. This will build wisdom, strength, and resilience along the way.
Eventually, however, you will want to become the Guide, which is the ultimate goal. The Guide is a former Hero who has experienced his own journey of transformation. He has walked where the Hero is currently walking and has overcome the same challenges. He has gained the wisdom to help others to navigate the dangers and fears. He has been there and he has overcome.
It’s a JOURNEY. That’s why it is called the “Hero’s Journey.”
Where do you begin to transform? Here are three places to start:
1. Take responsibility for your life.
This is YOUR life and not someone else’s life. If you feel stuck, take responsibility for the role that you playing in your life right now.
Look at yourself full in the face and take inventory. What are your weaknesses? What are your strengths?
Find a Guide. A Guide who will be honest with you and is willing to support you. Ask them to show you some areas in your character that need improvement. Be humble. Don’t argue. Don’t make excuses.
And most of all, go gently and be kind towards yourself.
2. Become increasingly more aware of your thoughts.
If you don’t already, begin to write in a journal on a daily basis. Over time, you will start to see some patterns emerge, such as ingratitude, shifting blame to others, wallowing in self-pity, self-isolation, etc. All of which is keeping you small, contracted, and feeling trapped.
When you are feeling unhappy and stuck, the tendency is to focus on the negatives. When you focus on things such as what you don’t have or how alone you feel, you will become increasingly more unhappy, lonely, and lacking. However, when you start to focus on the positive things such as building a better life for yourself, then those things will start to happen.
The truth is, what you think about will come about. It’s that simple. When you think about all the good things you want to happen, your brain will find a way to accomplish your goals and you will find yourself doing things that align with whatever it is that you want to happen. It’s simple, but it is not easy. You need courage. You need perseverance. You mustn’t give up.
When you start becoming more grateful and appreciative, then things will start to change. To shift. To transform. You will begin to exchange your old way of thinking for a new way of thinking. “The glass is half full” kind of thinking. You will start looking for more of what is good. You will start to fill your journal with more positivity. You will go on a hunt for blessings and not curses. It’s all there, you just have to start seeing it.
3. Create a vision for the kind of person you want to become.
An archer doesn’t draw back her bow and release the arrow only to let it fly just anywhere. No. She positions her body at a 90-degree angle to the target. She looks long and hard at the target. When she is confident that she knows exactly where she wants the arrow to hit, she slowly draws back the string of the bow, carefully takes aim, and then releases the arrow. Releasing the arrow is the easiest part. All the work is in the preparation leading up to that moment. It takes a great deal of strength to pull back the string against the tension of the bow. It takes practice. It takes perseverance, AND it takes laser-focused INTENTION.
- What exactly do you want?
- How much do you want it?
- What price are you willing to pay to make this thing succeed?
What are your goals and dreams? What lights you up? If you had all the courage and money to bring it about, what would you do? Who would you be? How would you feel? Focus on those things. EVERY DAY. If you do this, then your brain will figure out a way to make it all happen.
The life you want is going to cost you your old one.
So, every day, be aware of your thoughts. Journal about them and then rephrase the negative. What do you see? How can you change your perceptions?
Is it difficult? Well, yes. Can you do it? Yes! If you are having difficulty, just say, “I can’t do this YET, but, with persistence, courage, and honesty, you can and will be able to do it.
And don’t forget to celebrate your wins.
The most successful people have the most energy.
When exhausted women ask, “Why am I so tired all the time?” I help them to explore their story to see what has happened in the past that is draining their energy today.
Do you want more energy in your life? Do you want to heal your body so that you can live your life at a whole new level by bringing your best energy to important projects and to the people who matter most to you?
Wonder what it would be like to work with a health coach? Book a call. I’d love to meet you!